Sunday, January 11, 2009

Self-Evaluation!!!

the title of the post itself speaks so much. but yet, i write further. because i know that if i don't write, i will kill my thoughts.
there are moments in our life when all of us seem lost. its like you are drowning, and have hit the bottom and then you realise that this was no pool at all and that the ground that you needed was around you, but you kept searching for a sea to deliberately drown. its a feeling worse that you would have had, if you had actually hit the bottom bcoz then you would have had the sea to blame. this time , you can do nothing but cry.and then you ask yourself," why did no one help me? why didn't my angel come?". and you realise that it wasn't angel that had come, god had come inside you to hold you up, and you had resisted with all your might
this is how i feel right now and i am sure that this is one of those moments of my life whom we call THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
i have always wanted to be good. you can say, i had made it the aim of my life to be good. to help, to serve, to be kind and to make people happy. i would sometimes just make a fool of myself, just to make the others laugh. and when they did, i would be happy, because i made someone smile.
my whole life had started revolving around keeping others happy. not pleasing them(there is a difference), but just making them happy. when someone would be sad, i would try to make him/her laugh.
then came love, a lot of love in my life. from friends, from family, and from god.
but there are mistakes you make, really little ones sometimes, but in the end you end up feeling pathetic about them.
a similar thing has happened to me.
but now i think i have learnt a lesson. what i have learnt is forgiveness. self forgiveness which i believe is more difficult than forgiving others.
what i have realised is that if you are really sorry about something, and you cant confess your sin to the other person, all that is necessary is to kneel down and ask for your own as well as god's forgiveness and then do some good to the other person. and then you can proudly move on, because its easy to improve your image in other people's eyes. but its difficult to do so when you have fallen in your.
but then, realising that we are all humans after all,and its our birth RIGHT to make mistakes, its just OK, and its just OK to move on.
and so as i move on, all i can say is that even when i have done bad to someone, i am sure i am capable of helping again, of serving even more, and of making people even more happier...


I walk lonely today
On this crowded street
Wondering how I move on
Wondering why I retreat

People ask me who I am
I walk undefined
I don’t believe in the lies they say
I only believe in truth that’s mine

I love to love
Don’t like to follow fashion
I will act insane
It’s my greatest passion

When paths divide
I take my own course
Call me bohemian
I don’t act by force

I am humbly arrogant
Though respect the power
And I can walk through the night
Even in the lonely hours…

I believe, I doubt
You may call it insanity
But I dare to be differentAnd I call it originality….