Thursday, December 29, 2011

Changing colors...

Blue.
Everything around me was drowning as I reached out to grab into nothingness.
There was nothing left to hold on too, and it was not because he left.
It was because I followed him out of myself.
Every time he went, he broke a piece of me and carried it away with himself. This time I only decided to follow and leave myself alone.
You might wonder why do I talk of me as two people. The thing is, its not two people, its just two aspects of my being. The soul and the shadow. The physical and the perceived. The moon and the eclipse. My soul left with him, my shadow stayed behind smiling at everybody who cared to notice.

Its been a year now since he went and I was still struggling to catch up with him. Running as he walked and still he slipped through my fingers. and now I had decided to drown myself because it was so much easier than struggling.
But falling isn't an easy job for those who have flown once. And long ago,I had travelled all the skies with him. Smiling and laughing and following.
Only now, he had abandoned me for some reason I was still yearning to know.
But one thing I knew for sure. It wasn't my fault. I had tried to stop him. Screamed, begged, wept. But it sure wasn't my fault that he still made up his mind to move on.
Perhaps it was this one tiny thought that moved me when he finally turned around. He looked at me, right into my eyes and I saw a hint of guilt on his stubborn face. It was in that moment when he called my name that I ran. I ran as fast as I could to my pool of misery and saw my drowning shadow.
I stretched my hand out and pulled myself out of the drowning grief.
And the cool fresh air was a bliss.
The sky was blue above me. I looked hard at the sun as I stretched out my wings and contemplated on the clear blue sky.I gathered all my broken pieces, mustered all the left over courage and took flight for nowhere. There was nowhere I could go as he wasn't there to guide me anymore. But I flew nevertheless, because the sky was clear and the sun was smiling at me. Because I knew, that even without him, the sky was mine as long as I knew how to fly.
And I flew, with my shadow and all, as he kept calling out for me, but this time I made sure that I allowed him to fade away...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Lullaby...


Sing to me, my lullaby
hum it in your beautiful voice
Sing every note with special care
Sing me out of my despair
Sing to me of the sea and the wind
Sing to me of the winter moon
Sing to me of the fallen leaves
Sing to me in my favorite tune

Sit by me, beside my bed
Sit by me in your favorite chair
Put me in a dreamless sleep
Run your hands through my hair
hold my hand, while the monsters come
and give me strength so I won't be scared
Sing to me, my lullaby
and sing every note with special care...

Monday, October 31, 2011

Words unsaid..


I wish life could be lived like a movie. The part I like the most about movies is the monologue. Its so wonderful, something like telling people exactly how you feel even while you walk down the road in silence. Being a great cinema fan, I have watched many movies. Too many of them and so many, in fact, that whenever I walk down the road, I walk each step, putting my every silent emotion into words. What makes me sad, happy, and silent when I should be speaking or talk when being quiet is the right thing to do.
The road is a strange place and full of things one can be so sad or happy about. It gives a person so much to contemplate. Anybody who walks alone, knows what I am talking about. When you walk down the road, there are a million things that can make you wonder. A random thing, so trivial in nature, and yet so profound somehow, that a mile or two will be lost as you explore the depths of your mind’s chosen spot. Its so wonderful to think, to smile and to frown to yourself and not worry about the fact that someone is listening.
Although, there are other times, when you want to be heard. You wish there was someone you could speak your heart out to. Someone who’d finally know who you are and what its like being you. Because its when you are walking alone, thinking back and wondering all the things you could have said and done, or may be just contemplating on the road, that you are actually yourself. No pretense, because amongst strangers, you could be anybody and they wouldn’t care. Its at these times that I wish that my life could be like a movie, and there was an audience listening to my silent soliloquy…
All the things I left unsaid, a part of me that nobody knows... And probably, just like at these times the audience falls in love with the protagonist, a few people might fall in love with me all over again…

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Northern sky...


I have never really been lucky
never been kissed under moonlight
I have never seen a shooting star
never did anything right
Until tonight, when you walked in
and brightened my northern sky...

I should have been lonely
on a beautiful night like this one
I shouldn't have wandered off tonight
where somehow you found me
and with your little bright fairylights
you have brightened my northern sky...

My stars had never twinkled before
my sun had never shined
my moon has always been too shy
to be out with all its pride
its like you blew some magic into my world
that brightened my northern sky...
Yeah, I wanna thank you
for brightening my northern sky...

Friday, August 26, 2011

Imposter..



It should have been me
Inside your arms
Playing with your hair
Looking into your eyes

It should have been me
laughing at your jokes
crying out of love
smiling at your lies

It should have been me
saying these words
noticed by you
writing these lines

It should have been me
loved by you
burning in your fire
breaking through your ice

But you didn't like me
so now I am
Just someone else
Burning at the stake
Liked by you
and loved by you
but paying its price...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


It started with a craving pool so deep
I drowned in it, there was nothing to see
And yet I searched, I searched for me
Reached out to grab what was empty

I should have stopped at the danger sign
He had warned me beforehand
I should have stopped when he had tried to stop me
And we wouldn’t have been so empty

He blew some air into my lungs
He had tried to resuscitate me
He reached out and grabbed my heart
But life had left me empty

I watched him weep beside me
I should have wiped his tears dry
But all that was left of me and him
was empty, all empty…

Silence

Words
Concealed, unsaid, unheard.

Words
Mocked, pierced, killed.

Words
chapped, putrid, stingy.

Words
Whispered, anticipated, silenced.

Words, unspoken...

Thursday, June 16, 2011


They say freedom is the right to say NO...
Well, something makes me think that its actually about the freedom to say YES...
And mind you... Its not the same thing...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Last night I dared to cross
the threshold of your heart.
Quietly pushed the doors open
Too afraid to wake you up
Lest, like always, you push me away…

Read the dog-eared pages of your books
Listened to your favorite CDs
Watched the shelves upon shelves
of the DVDs of your memories

Found the half finished poem you had written for me
Read it and cried for what seemed like eternity
Drank the last of the wine you had left
And then, finally fell asleep
Right there beside you, on your bed
Too tired, but smiling, at the reality…

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Dear two-faced freak, with pure hatred..


Dear two-faced freak,

Thought you should know
that what you did to me
has hurt me more than
you ever thought it would
and I smile as I bleed
Something that I have never done before

I smile, because its the first time
that I blame myself
I blame myself for all these cuts
and the fact that this time
I am alone
silently sewing myself up

Nothing has broken me before
but I guess its another first
I haven't met a guy like you before
nothing so beautiful but vile
nothing so swift but sublime
Only you can so sweetly beguile

You are a two faced freak
and I only saw the white one
and I, myself, have thus broken my own heart...

and so I think I don't blame you at all...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Drive Me Sane...



Falling hopes and shattering dreams
Helpless tears and muffled screams
Inside out and turning in
Hiding away in cold skins
Rigid faces with pleading eyes
smiling at one's own demise
Help me escape this world inane
Drive me sane...

Frowning heads with curious minds
Wisdom in those senseless rhymes
Hocus - Pocus, magic lines
Always trying to still the time
Just spit out reason and blow in some sense
take me away from this pretense
Please save me from this brutal pain
Drive me sane...

I've hurt, killed and have become sublime
My existence feels like a moral crime
Give me shelter under your wings
Help me join those broken strings
I shiver and tremble and now I'm cold
Buy my heart, before its sold
After all I've lost, only you remain
Please, before its too late..
Drive me sane...

Monday, March 7, 2011

Open Doors...


I will leave the doors open tonight
So you can crawl in stealthily
In my room, inside my soul
And into my dreams to make them sweet
And like a child, I’d smile in my sleep.

And don’t you rush, stay for a while
I wont let you go, I’ll still the time
No wind shall blow, not a cloud shall move
Until you leave, not a flower shall bloom
Let life be still, just like my heart
My heart shan’t beat until we break apart.
I shall cease to live, yet be alive
I’ll shiver under your skin tonight
You make me go cold under your warmth
Your gaze scares me
I fear I shall break, every time you look at me

Your ice cold breath freezes my soul
You are above and around me, everywhere I go
Tonight, I’ll leave my doors open
So you can crawl into my being
In my mind and inside my heart.

And that shall end my existence...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dancing tonight...


Close your eyes
keep one hand on my heart
lets dance into the night together
one step right
and turn me around
and we could be together forever

We need no music
I'll sing the song
set my rhythm with your heart that beats
A one and two and I shall dance
and sway with you effortlessly...

Smile, and make this day so bright
and light up the room with love tonight
I am not afraid
To trip or fall
I hear those things you've never said...

So take my hand
And take the lead
I'll follow you without a word
Lead the dance
and every beat
and I'll walk behind and think no more!!!






Monday, February 21, 2011

Breathe...



Breathe.
I like to see you rise and fall
With the kind of serenity that you do
Breathe.
So that I can stay at peace.

Breathe.
What is blown out of you becomes the wind around me.
Its all that keeps me alive.
Breathe.
So that I can live.

Breathe.
So your heart will keep beating.
And my feet shall follow the rhythm you set
Breathe
So that I won't stop.

Breathe.
And keep breathing
Define my creation and blow life into nothingness.
Breathe.
So that it loses all sense
And has some meaning.

Breathe.
And don't you stop breathing...
Because if you do
Only I will have to live,
without my spirit, my soul and my self.

Breathe... So I shall live!