Thursday, November 22, 2012

His Borrowed Self...

(I have no idea what has made me write this one, but I like it nevertheless...)

I am a bit of a romantic
It doesn't matter what they say
Today I look for him in his smiles
tomorrow I will find another way
in someone else's prayers, 
someone else's dreams
someone else's cards will play his game
I will steal his love from unfinished poems
a stranger's, perhaps
or from an old friend's wishes
Its his love I will look for 
in the last sip from someone else's coffee
in the kiss of a friend upon my cheek
it does not matter where I get it from
until its his love that I receive...

I am a bit of a romantic
it doesn't matter what they say
after all, his smile is ordinary
just like everybody else's
and so are his dreams
just like anybody else's
I will move on, from one place to another
in the everyday manner of a mundane life
looking for the plain and for the ordinary
looking for anything remotely like him
and seize it, 
every song, I will sing it
until it becomes my own
every rhyme,
until it settles on my lips
like a prayer
its a bit of you after all...

Its romantic, whatever they say
after all, every candle I blow
I wish for you
every eyelash I blow
I wish for your happiness
Its all for you, isn't it?
Knowing them, because I hope to know you better
deliberately clinging on to them
until I know what's in their heart
renting a part of them, just for a while
and settling down there, just for a while
so I may know what it's like
being you, being even a little like you
in all its abstractness
crying with them, living with them
sharing a part of me with them
and then moving on,
because for all I know,
I might not know you at all yet...

Friday, November 16, 2012

What's in a name...?

He sits there, smiling like a sphinx
in the shadows where I cannot see him
But I always know he's there, nevertheless.
She mentions his name
in a context I will never know
I often tend to drift off from conversations
that hold no interest for me.

But she catches me off guard
with his name let slip into a casual sentence
and before I know
I am coming undone
My shield breaking and shattering
My protection, the weak wall of courage
I had built around me
vanishes like it had never existed
and pearls pour down on my pillow
why? I will never know
His name is enough
His memory is enough
and I break down...

She sits there, helpless
unaware of what she has done
looking at me, all vulnerable
while he sits there, invisible to me
and yet I can feel his smile stretch
the sadist, I believe he likes my pain
as I fall, ever deeper, helplessly in love with him...

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I look at him
Calm as an angel
With his face lit up with the brightest smiles
I look at him
Lively as a bloom
With his colors depicting the joy of life
I take what he gives
I close my palms
Lest, they escape me
The smiles and the tears he blows away for free
I close my heart, lest he escapes me
With his smiles and his tears
He drops in my glass
I savor every drop of him
His moods are intoxicating
And I flow, with his current
Like a broken branch of a broken tree
I don’t know where I am going
I don’t care where I am from
Living my life in rented lodgings
He keeps me safe, where I belong
I am but a delusional person
Living my life in borrowed daydreams
He keeps me safe, deep in his heart
I live him, every minute
My life runs the course he sets for me
An adventure, I jump off cliffs
Flying or falling, it’s all the same
There was never a beginning
He is the end
I fall, I fall into him
I fall into him satisfied...

Saturday, November 3, 2012


They blamed him for my fall
As I plunged through the air
Nobody saw me struggle against him
As he tried to act the savior
I cut and pinched and fought against him
So I could take the flight
Only then I did not know that I would
Fall instead of flying…

I only saw the pretty clouds
I heard the loud wind
I smiled at the birds that flew
Thinking I was one of them
And for a while I did belong
Before I crashed into the earth
And they said it was all his fault
that I lay there in the dirt.

If I could, I would have defended you
I would have told them to look away
As they looked at you with their accusing eyes
As you cried your grief away
I would have put some words, I would have told them all
How you had tried to make me see
All I was and all I had
Being only me…