Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Stronger.


No.
I am learning how to say it.
Repeating it over and over again.
No, I won't.
I am learning, a little too late
To stand up
For everything I am.
No.
This time you will not entice me
With promises of security
or eternity or fidelity.
No.
This time, I don't care
About how you feel
I am letting go
Of regrets and apprehension.
I know,
You wouldn't think twice 
Before you leave me again.
No.
This time, it will be me
Walking away!



Sunday, October 27, 2013

Hazy


Doesn't get any simpler.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Unfinished Delusion.


I can vaguely remember
The color of your eyes
You're a fading memory
Even so
I like you this way
On the horizon
Receding with every step I take.
I will chase you to eternity
I will remain,
In the back of your head
If that's what it takes
We can haunt each other
Become nightmares
Become insomniacs
For each other's sake.
They will never know the difference
Once you and me
Remain together
In the wake of a dream.

I will drink to your sighs
That I'll hear in the wind
As I hear you missing me
under your sheets.
You can dance to the sound
of my keyboard in the dark
as I type away
The love we have made.
In drinks and ashes
In wine and matches
Its a poem we wrote
that we repeat under our breaths.
This story, half written
A tragedy of sorts
I like you this way
The unfinished delusion. 




Friday, October 25, 2013

Mirage.


I wish you knew
That every word
Every syllable I ever rhyme
This page of dreams and hidden fears
And every poem I have ever signed
Is all for you
Its all for you.
You are a thought preserved
Like albums and sketches
Like my little blue pen
And the figure it etches
A million times I have found
you in places
A million times I have lost 
you in spaces
You are hardly real
The tombstone of my life
I live an abstract
A poetry for a life...

Friday, October 18, 2013

He's here.


The first time my umbrella flew
And pulled me to the bank
of the great river
And showed me 
the breathtaking beauty 
of the city
While the rain fell on my
cheeks, caressing
my hair and my eyes and my lips
As you dashed me around in circles,
In an empty courtyard,
Where I could almost hear
The laughter of the children and
songs of the lovers
Who sat there, only hours ago
You made me a part of a place
I never thought I could belong
That's when I knew.
You were in the wind.
And you had followed me to my
new life!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The suitcase.


It's my suitcase of memories
My red suitcase of memories.

Your crumpled shirt
Hidden beneath a layer of my dresses.
Trying to peek out
I stuff it in further
For fear of bitterness and love.

My book of secrets
With all your letters and wilted roses
With all my darkness you never knew.
Hidden away, under your shirt
For fear of strange revelations.

A sketch of him.
Drawn in pencil, 
Neatly folded, in a white envelope
Stacked away, with your letters.
For fear of losing a part of me
You will never know!

The story of us
A blur of grey and silver
Anklets, bangles, and all other charms
Losing their color, in this winter rain
Finally, these drops of madness
Dissolve everything into ink and ashes! 

My suitcase of memories, 
Wasted and ruined
Its time to start afresh.

Everyday Rhyme...



I shall make a secret of you.

In an empty corner of my heart
hidden away behind all these shelves
Filled with people who will never matter.

I had rather shush every heartbeat
that beats for you and calls your name
The part of you that lives in me
Is best if it remains the same.

Your mortal form, your everyday self
Your riddles and rhymes you speak away
Will never hide the best of you
A glance of which I got one day.

And that bit of soul, that part of you
that sliver you let fly away
now lives with me, within this heart
that calls out your name everyday.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Restless


Inspire me!
Give me something to fill my head with.
An emotion, a glimpse of what goes on
inside your bitter heart
I will enjoy your poison
Vicariously.
My life devoid of passion, 
tragedy, dream or ambition.
Inspire me with your story
and I will put your life into words
like never before!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Scapegoat

Blame me
For all that goes wrong in your life.
Accuse me
Of playing with your heart
And making it bleed.
Call me
A liar, a bitch, a turncoat
Every bad name in the book
You can find.
Make me
Your scapegoat.


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Speaking up!

You
With your infinite promises
You
With your claim of holy affection
You
With your stubborn belief
I am the one, I always will be!

You
With with your cuffs of honesty and fidelity
You
With your chains of forever and eternity
You
With your strong conviction
I was the one, until I ruined it!

You
With your petty excuses of a wasted heart 
Of a wasted self
You
With that little bird at your side
Three months after you said I failed you
You
Who left me bound with the promises
that don't matter to you any more

You 
Who made me a prisoner of love
Me, the very person
You still claim, 
once set you free! 

Agony


This agony
I present to you 
Wrapped in a lace of smiles
Tied in a knot of my priceless string 
of welcoming words and brightest syllables.

This agony
Bittersweet from the attention it receives
Your promises of undying love
and everlasting passion
my hand extending too carefully towards you
Disguising everything this heart holds
afraid you might refuse it
as others often have.

This agony
This misery, this despair
I cover my ears as soon as you take it
I close my eyes for fear of rejection
of this heart painted black and dirty pink
In anticipation of your answer
my every breath hangs on to your reaction.

You take the pretty present
in all your naive ignorance
and unwrap it, layer by layer
carefully, lest you break it
I peek through my fingers
as its contents are revealed to you
and a kind smile spreads across your face
Not a minute of hesitation
not a moment of repulsion.

All my agony
All the colors of this heart
Bared to you
Black and pink and all its foulness
It brightens at your touch 
and beats infinitely faster
Life returns to the wretched thing 
And I uncover myself
Weeping tears of joy
at having rediscovered life
Yet again...

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Ghost



Its the ghost of the past
lingering still
reluctant to depart.
The shadow of a love 
long lost
long gone.
Believe me love
Its not us
But a shadow of your hand held in mine
Its not us
But an echo of your heart beating against mine
That moves you
That moves us
We are both afraid to accept
That an illusion
Walks with us to our grave.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Secret


What a shame
That our love should remain
A secret, 
Sinful and divine
At the same time.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Tonight, the love that we make
The love you take from this little room
Beg, borrow, steal or fake
Its yours to keep, so take it slow.
In whispered words, and tireless sighs
I see you before me, desperate inside
You like to keep your cool, I see

So I humor you, with the same disguise.
Its been a while, last summer I think
You’d unraveled so quickly, but tonight you hide
Are you afraid that I have changed
Or do you feel a stranger inside?
I have longed for this, this touch of yours
It does not matter if you take it all
Once you set free all the doubts you have
You can live on this love,
Until we meet next time.
And I will take away a memory of you
Just as powerful, just as sublime!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Black Heart



Its knowing that he'll never know
what goes inside this Stygian heart
This veil that I hide behind
he'll never try to look beyond
Its knowing that he won't ever hurt me
as I don't matter to him at all
that makes it easy, being with him
He never claims to know me at all...

Monday, April 22, 2013


This heart
Born as a million fragments
each bit, blooming on its own.
I have often tried, to keep them together
Melting them, fusing them, pasting them
Cementing them all, one on top of another
A thousand futile efforts
Towards making a whole…
When each bit has always loved of its own accord
Flying in different directions
Getting burned and scarred
And returning, inside my chest
To rest awhile, before flying off again
On a new adventure.
I suppose it will never learn
This heart, never completely broken,
Never irrevocably scarred
Has never unconditionally loved! 

Friday, January 25, 2013

Broken, Burnt and Charred...

He burns away
Like plastic
Consuming himself and all that's behind him
melting, dropping
leaving bitter acrid odor behind
he burns, his masochistic self
smiling through all the pain
as the heat tickles his flesh
charring, melting and molding it
for the better or the worse
no one knows...
Not a drop of blood will spill
he knows,
his heart had frozen long ago
they had cut him, into a million pieces
a hand here, a foot there
and he had lain like that for a long time
until she had come along
and had tried to put him back together
but she got it all wrong
and now he was a jigsaw puzzle
with scattered pieces here and there
Burning away in agony
and smiling through all that pain... 

The Abstract of Love...


These words
As empty as the heart I carry
written as plea for love.
Come down, I need your grace
fill me with the love long denied
Tell them I am not insane to be waiting
for a man who sits too high above me
I stand too small, to be heard that high
I stand too little, to be seen from those heavens
you make your bed in...
I have often heard you whisper, you know,
words of love, songs of tenderness
Making believe you address me
that your lonely sighs belong to me
I listen, happy tears brimming in my eyes
I love you back, in my own way
a love too abstract to believe in...
I remind myself, you sent me away with a promise
you'll be back I know
But until then, its hard, making believe
Don't let my faith in you waiver
and most of all, don't let me leave
I would like to wait
For as long as it takes...

Unpleasant Surprise

Treading a thin rope. 
Tip toeing, lest I slip.
Humoring you, ever way I can
Playing your cruel games
living by the ever changing rules
Hoping to win, wanting to lose
falling, every time you like to rise
I look into your eyes, 
searching for the man I knew
when once again
I see a stranger staring back at me...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Red...


Breathe
I remind myself
Every time you come close
Taking in, everything
that makes our world so fragile
built on nothing but red ashes
heat of the most deceptive form
rekindling only for moments
flaring in all my agony
and dying in sighs of passion
released into the air between us
I breathe in the illusion
of a love
too tender to last
too fickle to stay
too stubborn to surrender...

My heart rescued by another
who makes me rise
every time you leave me defeated
on my knees
with my hands outstretched
when he fills in the empty spaces
and calms down my troubled heart
with him, my heart walks a steady beat
and for a while I rest in his arms
and the fire in me is reduced to ashes
when once again, before I go pale
I see you, with your cruel whims
and twisted smiles,
and my craven heart forgets to beat...