Sunday, December 6, 2015

To her, with love



I vividly remember
The first time I saw her
Her hair, a mass of black satin
Following her
In graceless glory
While she ran bare feet
On wild flowers
In chaos
Wandering
Her magnanimous body
Soft, supple
Her fiery heart
Strong, indomitable
I remember, precisely
The ecstasy I felt
As I saw her dance
in her unfearing beauty!

The darker side of things




Sometimes
Being with you
Is like swimming underwater
You are all I feel
My hair surround my face
I cannot open my eyes
My arms are flapping
Grabbing at nothing
I  hear nothing
I see nothing
I feel only desperation
As I try to claw my way
Back to sanity

The Vice



My cigarette
Is an expression
Of my rebellion
With every puff
I blow in your face
My indifference

My cigarette
Is an expression
Of my stubbornness
I declare
With each one
My exemption

My cigarette
Is an expression
Of your disappointment
I light each one
At the cost
Of your veneration

My cigarette
Is my refusal
To become
Your exhibition

Thursday, December 3, 2015

A lesson in being real

Forgive me
If sometimes, I feel unreal
Like everything I say
Has been rehearsed
Like it's all an act
A mockery
Of everything they call love

Because sometimes
When you have spent
your entire life
Faking love in every way
Faking kindness, and sincerity
Sometimes a shadow of that past
Overtakes you

But I swear
This, in the present
Is everything love was supposed to be
And I am trying very hard
To not ruin this
By feigning affection

I need you

I need you here
To tell you how I feel
Until we are
On the same page

I need you to listen
As I go over every detail
Of our first night together
As I had lain awake
watching you sleep
wonderfully carelessly

I need you to read
my journal
Everything I have written about you
About every little thing
That you made me feel
From inadequacy to perfection

I need you to tell me
Immediately
Everything I awaken inside of you
Every thought, memory, or impulse
As we lie on the same page
Holding each other...

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Your absence

It is in your absence
That I have found you everywhere
Your smell, surrounding me 
Every time I close my eyes
I can create you out of thin air
as my hands reach out 
and draw you, accurately
Your chest, your arms
The curve of your neck
I move my palms and mould you
precisely
Every follicle of hair
Every crest, every trough
The swollen petals under your eyes
the softness of your lips
the harshness of your stubble

The wound on your knee
From that time you fell over
from your bike
Those craters on your beautiful face
Remnants of an adolescence 
Too afraid to pass
The color of your eyes
Brown as the Earth
The color of your skin
Golden as fairy dust

You are here
I smell you
I sense you
I see you
I believe you!
 
In your absence
I have learnt
To create you!

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Sugar

I am slowly understanding
The difference between
Sugar and saccharin
That cloying sweetness
That bitter reward
is not for me.

I know sugar,
I have learnt to recognise it
Even before it touches my lips
By a mere touch
I am learning
to taste it, to sense it.

Next time,
I will not be fooled
by the dishonesty and deception
of that synthetic
I have tasted sugar now
and there's nothing better.


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Now, I will sleep.

Pretty slumber
How I would long for it
Insomnia engulfed me in your absence
I was walking dead
I was fidgeting in a coma
Constantly.
It feels silly now.

You, are a drag my friend.

Let me catch up on my sleep.

Submission

It is what your words did to me.
You poet, you spoke to my heart.
You spoke to my spirit.

Can they blame me?
Every word from you mouth
Was a peak of pleasure
I am moaning and surrendering,
with every sentence.

You poet, you didn't have to be here
in flesh, bone, blood or spirit
They're all here
Slowly swiveling into reality
as we talk
Your face materializes before me
and I follow
with my passion,
becoming one with your glory

You find me on my knees,
as you talk me into submission.
 

Thin love

I haven't written in a really long time. I don't think anyone even stops by anymore.
But my page views have increased since the last time I signed in, so some people do come around.
Thanks for that!

Its not that I haven't tried to write. I have. It's more like, there is little that's left to write about.
I wrote of love. Simple, unconditional love.
But once you have seen it's different forms, its hard to believe it can ever be simple again.

I suppose, that this blog will have to exist just as a reminder of the person I used to be. A hopeful, beautiful person. I believed in things, I like to think I still do. But the truth is, I have changed.
In the past 2 years, my imagination has gone from pretty to extremely grotesque. Love has metamorphosed, and now sits inside me, extremely frail and whimsical. It's not real, but more of a lingering shadow of something that was too innocent to survive. It's the only form of love that can remain in a self-destructive self.

Its a form of love that's quite pitiable, pathetic, and heart breaking.

Its a form of love that's very sad, and survives primarily on the prayer of resurrection.

Its a twisted, wretched form of love.

Thin love. That's what I like to call it.