Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The real you

I am learning to see you as you are
Getting to know the man
That resides in that body
And not the one I like you to be.
Speak, this time I am really listening to you
Exactly what you are saying
And how you are saying it
No, not projecting ideas,
Not assuming things that would
comfort my heart
But really watching,
Not sensing
Or feeling
Or wishing
Or expecting
But really,
For the first time
I am seeing you
Not as a fragment of my fantasy
But as an actual, substantive
Human being

And rest assured,
That even now,
You're every bit as charming
As you were
When you had lived inside my head.

Erasing you

I am slowly erasing
Every memory of you
That rests in my spirit.

Disentangling this knot
In the middle of my chest
Red, pulsing
Alive with you
I am bursting it
Like shattered glass
And scattering away
the billion pieces.

In your wake
You've left my world

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Yes, I swear

There's nothing that I love
More than an empty piece of paper
I can fill it with you
Or with us
And display it, on my shelf
Oh so proudly
Because any piece of paper
Full of you
Is fucking perfection

Just perfect

Our relationship
Is like the first draft of a poem
Elusive and

Isn't it perfect?

Not everything must be poetry

Not everything must be poetry
Some things can exist
As vapour
Suspended between our faces
Exchanged, not in words,
But in the breath that flows through your body
into mine
And that's how we will both now
How the air can be thick with words unsaid
And kisses be filled with feelings
Without us ever exactly
knowing how

For the man who doesn't make me choose

I love you
Because with you
There is no either-or

I don't have to choose
Between being me
And being with you
I don't have to
Pick a role
Stay in or go out
Be a box
A certain size, or shape
To please you

I could be hanging
half way out of the balcony
for all you care
I could be a formless whirlwind
for all you care

With you, there's no picking
And that's why
I love you

My life

There’s a life I live inside my head.
One where I am flying in colors beyond the scope of a rainbow.
One where my feet never hit the ground,
but constantly whirl in a never-ending ecstatic dance.
One where I can be happy without fear
Silent without judgments
and depressed without anger.
The one that I ink in my diary,
and quietly whisper to you whenever we make love.
Those are the words that are brimming inside my eyes
while staring inside yours to see if you can read them.

And I know you read them.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

This mind, unbeaten

I often run when I should be walking
That's how I came to you
Falling for you
Jumping off a cliff
(Yes, that is exactly how it felt)
Jumping, willingly
Into shallow waters
I was bound to get hurt
And yet I jumped
Because I know you needed me
To add to your empty depths

I dropped flat
On your cold surface
My body hurt,
Skin torn from the collision
And I stayed
For you
Constantly fighting to stay afloat
Constantly being pulled into nothingness

It took me a while
And a lot of pain
To decide that I must come out
That I couldn't stay there
For the rest of my life

I emerged
With bruised arms
A battered back
A crushed heart
But, as always,
A stubborn mind!